The Gap Between What I Think I Feel And What I Really Feel

If you were to ask me what I think of patience and slowing down to be fully present, I would say both are absolutely necessary, something I’m striving to attain and something I struggle to embody. 

Although my intelligence constantly reminds me of these truths, something funny happened today that made me reassess my relationship with these qualities. As I was trying to practice slowing my speedy self down, I felt resistance and a sense of negativity. At that moment I realized. I associate slowing down with weakness. How crazy is that? The very quality I’m working to develop is not something I think of internally in a favorable way.

It begs the question: If I don’t think of it as positive, then is it possible to actually work on and imbibe these qualities? If your goal is transformation and sustainable change, the answer is NO. If you don’t mind the hit or miss approach (which I’ve subscribed to for most of my life) the answer is maybe. 

What we feel and internally believe (no matter what we may claim externally) determines our path of growth.

These moments where we experience a misalignment of an internal belief/feeling with what our intelligence is telling us is actually a very exciting time - depending on what we do with it. Why so?

It informs us where to begin.

Rather than putting together an action plan of how I can become more patient when I’m feeling hangry and/or trying to sit still for 5 minutes a day (all good things!), this unconscious internal battle is what needs to be dealt with first. 

For some, this can be done simultaneously while implementing small action steps. For others, it may be wiser to place all focus into figuring out why this mismatch between intelligence and feelings is taking place before doing anything else.

Where does one begin this? Questions, questions, questions! Typically it isn’t something that we can do on our own as we tend to stop short of asking the questions that are really necessary to ask. That’s where conversations with a coach, a trusted friend or wise mentor can really be helpful.

In the meantime, we can start out by asking ourselves the below question. Carve out a few minutes today to either write or just contemplate:

Where in your life is there a difference what you think you feel and what you really feel?