The Need to Speed
All of a sudden a feeling of urgency comes over me. My heart starts to race, adrenaline pulses through me, time suddenly seems too short and I feel a compulsion to either multi-task or speed up whatever I'm doing. This happens to me on a daily basis. More often than not, when this happens, I give into that feeling. Whenever I do, I experience some temporary relief and promptly forget about it.
Today (October 28th, 2020), I did something different. I was in the middle of my morning meditation when I felt this urge wash over me. Rather than give in to it immediately, I stopped and asked myself, “Why rush?” Immediately my mind came up with numerous offerings that highlighted the importance of offering my attention to them and the need to “hurry up”.
But something happened during that internal exchange that caught me by surprise. Over the past several weeks, the topic of discussion with my own coach has been my need and desire to create space and pause before responding. I'm always amazed how bringing something to the forefront of my consciousness has small but powerful effects.
In this case, an uncomfortable realization surfaced. I had to acknowledge that I feel more comfortable doing something when the results will allow me to be “seen”. When it comes to activities like meditation which are private and about connecting to myself and the Divine, my mind can easily fool me into rushing through these most important foundational practices. Because of that, I have a tendency to de-prioritize or procrastinate those activities that actually help me to remain grounded, centered and connected.
We're talking about rushing practices that allow me to truly connect to who I am at my core! If that's not important, I don't know what is! But because it's an internal process, the ego turns up its nose at it and deems it “needed but not important.” Instead, it continues to fixate and causes me to be fixated on those things which are more likely to result in some validation coming my way.
It was a humbling and helpful realization. With the remaining time I had, I took a deep breath and in an intentional manner unhurriedly continued my morning meditation. Now, begins the true test: to keep asking that question every time I feel the need to speed.
Where in your life do you feel the need to speed?